There will always be bullying

This morning I read a story about a little girl who cut all her hair off to show her support for a cause regarding children with Cancer. A noble effort on her part for sure, but story goes on to tell about how she was bullied at school for her dramatically changed appearance to the point where finally her parents took her out of that school as a result.

My question is, what are we teaching our kids if we run away from the bullies or demand that they stop their behavior. There will always be bullies, just like there will always be nerds, or jocks, or mean girls. When I was a little kid in school, I got picked on also (we called it being “picked on” back then). You know what my mother used to say? Turn the other cheek son or laugh it off, sometimes right at them because you know what?…after a while they (the bullies) are going to move on to someone else because they can’t “push your buttons” anymore. They can’t intimidate you. So it’s no fun for them. For the bully, it’s all about power or “control” issue in most cases because they have none at home. That home environment is another whole story in itself. That's not to say that a child shouldn't tell their parents about a bully, but at that point, it's the parents responsibility to make that a teaching moment. 

Is it any wonder that we have bullies? Just look at the video games parents allow their kids to play or what they see on TV or at the movies. Kids need to assert themselves and if their parents won’t teach them how to do it constructively at home, they are going to act out at school or elsewhere. Parents need to stop trying to be their child's friend and instead be their parent. Becoming their friend will simply come. The problem is not that we have to wipe out bullying; the problem is that we have to teach our children how to deal with it. Sadly in many cases, the parents themselves need to be taught how to teach self worth in their children themselves. For several generations now, parents have been at a loss on how to parent. These kids are going to have to deal with quite a bit more as they get older and if all we do is teach them that the bad people have to go away or stop, then they never have to learn how to navigate the obstacles they are going to come up against in life. Between the ages of 1 and 5, children are sponges. They soak up everything they see and hear. This is when you begin to teach children to have their own identity, to learn that they are an important person in the world. If they are not taught this at home, then they have to assert it elsewhere. Many, many parents are quite successful at teaching their children well, but many are not.

There will always be bullies. The right thing to do for your children is to teach them how to understand why the bully acts the way he/she does and to understand that there may be other “dynamics” going on in that child’s life that cause them to behave this way. It’s then and only then that your own child learns tolerance and understanding of the world around them.
I will add however that if bullying goes on to a dangerous point, then the proper authorities need to be brought in.