Way Too Many Questions...

I recognise you'll probably get bored after the first 20, but hey... 

·                     Who closes the door after the bus driver gets off the bus?

·                     Why are pizza boxes square when the pizza is round?

·                     What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.

·                     Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

·                     Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?

·                     Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

·                     What do you call a female daddy long legs?

·                     If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

·                     Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

·                     If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the 

number of the cars in the pile-up?

·                     In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do they have to ask for American toast?

·                     Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?

·                     Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?

·                     If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound ?

·                     Why are SOFTballs hard?

·                     Do vampires get AIDS?

·                     Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

·                     Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?

·                     Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?

·                     If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?

·                     Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

·                     Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?

·                     Can people without hands get a grip?

·                     Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

·                     Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?

·                     Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

·                     Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?

·                     What do people in China call their good plates?

·                     Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

·                     If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds?

·                     Does a postman deliver his own mail?

·                     Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

·                     If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

·                     Why dosent a chicken egg taste like chicken?

·                     Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?

·                     Does peanut butter really have butter in it?

·                     Do mimes watch silent movies?

·                     Is the fear of flying groundless?

·                     Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?

·                     Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

·                     Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?

·                     If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?

·                     Why are boxing rings square?

·                     Why is it called pineapple, when's there neither pine nor apple in it?

·                     Why is it called eggplant, when there's no egg in it?

·                     Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

·                     What was the best thing before sliced bread?

·                     Why do birds have white poop?

·                     Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?

·                     Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when its going down?

·                     Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.

·                     If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?

·                     If you accidently ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?

·                     Do sore thumbs really stick out?

·                     Why is it when you're almost dead you're on deaths doorstep, but when you're actually dead your not in deaths house?

·                     Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?

·                     What's the opposite of opposite?

·                     If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?

·                     Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are smaller than your finger nails?

·                     Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack" ?

·                     If you try to fail and suceed, what did you just do?

·                     Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

·                     Why is the blackboard green?

·                     Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?

·                     Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?

·                     What do you call male ballerinas?

·                     How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?

·                     If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?

·                     Why are pennies bigger than dimes?

·                     Did they have antiques in the olden days?

·                     Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

·                     If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?

·                     Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?

·                     What came first, the fruit or the color orange?

·                     Where does the white go when the snow melts?

·                     Can blind people see their dreams?

·                     What is the exception to the rule that every rule has an exception? Does that make this rule right or wrong?

·                     Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?

·                     Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?

·                     Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

·                     If we all evolved from monkeys, how come there's still monkeys around now?

·                     Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

·                     Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

·                     If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

·                     If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?

·                     Why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?

·                     Why is black history month (February) the shortest month of the year?

·                     If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"

·                     Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?

·                     Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?

·                     Why do we leave expensive cars in the drivway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?

·                     Why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of they skating rings?

·                     What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?

·                     Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?

·                     What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?

·                     Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

·                     If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?

·                     Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

·                     Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?

·                     What would happen if an Irresistable Force met an Immovable Object?

·                     What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?

·                     If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?

·                     How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?

·                     Why are both male and female ladybugs called ladybugs instead of ladybugs and manbugs?

·                     How can you hear yourself think?

·                     If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

·                     Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?

·                     Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?

·                     How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?

·                     If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?

·                     If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

·                     Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

·                     If you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?

·                     Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?

·                     If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

·                     If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?

·                     Why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?

·                     Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?

·                     How can something be new and improved? if it's new, what was it improving on?

·                     Is Disney world the only people trap operated by a mouse?

·                     Why did they name that underwear company fruit of the loom?

·                     Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?

·                     Why is the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star the same tune?

·                     Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

·                     How does santa get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?

·                     If you get cheated by the better business bereau, who do you complain to?

·                     If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

·                     What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

·                     What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?

·                     Why are turds pinched off at the end?

·                     I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?

·                     If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?

·                     Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

·                     If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?

·                     How come overtones and undertones are the same thing?

·                     What would you use to dilute water?

·                     What should one call a male ladybird?

·                     How can military troops be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin with?

·                     If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?

·                     Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

·                     If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

·                     Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

·                     Aren't all generalizations false?

·                     Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

·                     Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

·                     Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?

·                     Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

·                     Could someone ever get addicted to counseling?

·                     If so, how could you treat them?

·                     Did Adam and Eve have navels?

·                     Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?

·                     Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!

·                     Do fish get cramps after eating?

·                     Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

·                     Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

·                     Do one legged ducks swim in circles?

·                     Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?

·                     Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

·                     Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?

·                     Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

·                     How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

·                     How can someone "draw a blank"?

·                     How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

·                     How can there be "self help GROUPS"?

·                     How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

·                     How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

·                     How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

·                     How do you know when yogurt goes bad?

·                     How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?

·                     How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

·                     How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

·                     How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?

·                     How is it possible to have a civil war?

·                     If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

·                     If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

·                     If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown?

·                     If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

·                     If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?

·                     If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

·                     If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?

·                     If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

·                     If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

·                     If God dropped acid, would he see people?

·                     How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?

·                     How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

·                     If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

·                     If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

·                     If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

·                     If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?

·                     If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?

·                     If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?

·                     If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?

·                     If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?

·                     If a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?

·                     If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

·                     If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

·                     If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

·                     If God sneezes...what should you say?

·                     If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?

·                     If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

·                     If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?

·                     If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

·                     If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

·                     If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

·                     If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

·                     If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

·                     If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

·                     If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

·                     If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?

·                     If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

·                     If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

·                     If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?

·                     If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?

·                     If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

·                     If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

·                     If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?

·                     If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

·                     If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

·                     If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

·                     If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

·                     If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

·                     If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?

·                     If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?

·                     If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

·                     If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?

·                     If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?

·                     If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

·                     If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?

·                     If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?

·                     If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

·                     If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?

·                     If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?

·                     If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

·                     If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

·                     If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?

·                     If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?

·                     If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?

·                     If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?

·                     If you take a shower, where do you put it?

·                     If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

·                     If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

·                     If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?

·                     If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

·                     Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

·                     Is a castrated pig disgruntled?

·                     Is it possible to be totally partial?

·                     Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?

·                     Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

·                     Is there a Dr. Salt?

·                     Isn't hot water already hot?

·                     Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?

·                     Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

·                     Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

·                     Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

·                     Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

·                     Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?

·                     Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

·                     There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

·                     What came first the chicken or the egg?

·                     What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

·                     What colour would a smurf turn if you choked it?

·                     What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?

·                     What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

·                     What do sheep count when they can't sleep?

·                     What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

·                     What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?

·                     What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

·                     What happened to the first 6 ups?

·                     What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

·                     What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?

·                     What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

·                     What is another word for "thesaurus"?

·                     What is the speed of dark?

·                     What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?

·                     What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

·                     What's another word for synonym?

·                     When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?

·                     When people lose weight, where does it go?

·                     When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

·                     When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?

·                     When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

·                     When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

·                     When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

·                     Where are Preparations A through G?

·                     Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

·                     Who invented accents?

·                     Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?

·                     Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

·                     Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

·                     Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

·                     Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?

·                     Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?

·                     Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

·                     Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

·                     Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?

·                     Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?

·                     Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?

·                     Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

·                     Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?

·                     Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Won't they all stop eventually?

·                     Why do bars advertise live bands?

·                     What does a dead band sound like?

·                     Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

·                     If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?

·                     Why do guys wear underpants?

·                     Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?

·                     Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?

·                     Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

·                     Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

·                     Why do they report power outages on TV?

·                     Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?

·                     Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?

·                     Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

·                     Why do we have hot water heaters?

·                     Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

·                     Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

·                     Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?

·                     Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

·                     Why do you weep and sniffle over a TV program and the imaginary Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

·                     Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

·                     Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

·                     Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

·                     Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?

·                     Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?

·                     Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?

·                     Why don't you ever see baby pigions?

·                     Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

·                     Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?

·                     Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

·                     Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?

·                     Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

·                     Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?

·                     Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

·                     Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

·                     Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

·                     Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?

·                     Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?

·                     Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

·                     Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

·                     Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?

·                     Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

·                     Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?

·                     Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?

·                     Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

·                     Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

·                     Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

·                     Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

·                     Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

·                     Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

·                     You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

·                     Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

·                     After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

·                     You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

·                     Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

·                     Have ex-bankers become disinterested?

·                     Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?

·                     Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?

·                     Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?

·                     Have ex-punsters been expunged?

Did you really get this far?!